Yesterday, I went with Dad, his aunt and his cousin to the commissioning ceremony for the USS North Carolina. It was really interesting. After the ceremony we went to the Battleship North Carolina and walked around looking at it. I never knew that so many people would be interested in a naval vessel. It was like all of Wilmington was there.

After I got home we had our Beltaine festival. That went really well. Everyone that was here had really good spirits and was in unusally good moods. The atmosphere was very jovial and no one seemed to get mad about anything or at anyone. After the ceremony, we had snacks and drinks.

Today, we are cooking a good southern meal: fried chicken, cabbage with boiled potatoes, creamed potatoes, mac 'n cheese, fried squash, cornbread and corn. Brint, Miranda and Raven are coming over to help take down the Maypole and make Yule logs out of it.

Mackenzie is seven weeks old now. She is growing really fast. She is one of the cutest babies that I have seen. She weighs 8 pounds 6 ounces now.

Just a few from Ericka

I never really thought that at 29 I would be married for the second time, a step-mom to an absolutely wonderful (when he wants to be) 11 year old boy, have a job that I love (even in the chaotic moments) and for some reason beyond my grasp still feel like such a failure and unaccomplished. When I was younger, I had dreams and hopes of being happily married to my "prince charming" and having a houseful of children and having a job that I was proud to go to. I didn't have the realization that your dreams most of the time don't come true. It seems like all I do is get up in the morning, go to work, come home, pay bills, clean up, shower and then go to bed.



To me, I don't feel like Johnny loves me or thinks of me the same way that he did five years ago when we met. We don't spend time together unless it is doing something that he wants to do or I have begged to do something. We don't have a "personal" relationship. At times I feel like I have two children not one.



Most of the time it seems like Johnathan only wants to be a part of my life if I am doing something he wants to do or spending money on him. I have been more of a mother to him than his own mother. I (along with his grandmother) have been the one that has been here for him when he is sick, when he has things to do with school, going to his t-ball games when he played - NOT his mom. I have bent over backwards to try to show him that I love him and that I don't see (and most of the time say) "step" when I talk about him. He is that light of my life regardless of how he treats me or feels about me. Yes, I get frustrated but what mother doesn't?



I have three very important little girls in my life - my beautiful neices Emari and Zoey and my gorgeous god-daughter Mackenzie. I would do anything I could do for these three angels. I wish that my neices lived closer but there is nothing that I can do to change that so the mail or e-mail have to be the next best things.



Things with Mom and Dad are crazy but I guess that I am just in a situation where I have to choose my battles. When I am with Mom I try not to talk about Dad and when I am with Dad most of the time what is going on between them is never mentioned. I hate the fact that they are seperated but that is something that I cannot change and they have to work out. I love them both and have said several times that I am not going to choose sides in their fights.



Boy, I never realized how screwed up things in my life really are until I started writing them down.